I'm Still Here
by midnightsunflowers
Summary: Jackson receives a frighting call from April late one night while she's been drinking. After finding her, he realizes she's been drugged. While things go downhill for April, Jackson recognizes his returning feelings for her. Post 14x16.
1. Chapter 1

Jackson's eyes sprang open as his phone lit up and buzzed on the bedside table next to him. He groggily reached for it, noticing the time to be a little before 2 am. He sprang to life when he saw April's name against the caller ID. Sliding the lock screen on his iPhone to answer, he nervously said her name into the receiver.

She didn't answer.

"April." He repeated more urgently. Surely she didn't accidentally call him at this hour. He heard a few shaky breaths and a lot of noise on the other end. His panic heightened as he propped himself up in bed. He was completely awake now. For years he had tried to shake the nagging feeling he got when it came to April. He knew something was wrong. "April, can you hear me?"

"Jack….son. Sar you there?" Her voice came slowly, sleepily, and confused as she took a deep breath between each syllable, her words garbled and slurred. He barely understood her.

He flipped the light on, his heartbeat racing in his throat, his breath accelerating.

"Yes," he answered, "where are you?" His hand shaking as he held the phone to his ear.

Again silence.

"April!"

He couldn't make out what she said. Her words were so slow and jumbled. She sounded half asleep. He wondered how she had even managed to call him.

"Nev…re…mind. I-I don't—"

"April, no." He cut her off, "do not hang up. Can you tell me where you are?"

Just then she started saying "No," but not to him. She was talking to someone else who he figured hadn't been there a second ago. He could make out a male voice.

"Stop," she managed.

Jackson heard fumbling and April began to panic. He couldn't hear what she said, she sounded so intoxicated, but he knew that heightened flexion in her voice.

"Please!" she begged him. The clearest word she'd said.

And then the call was ended. Jackson stared in horror at the numbers that told him the duration of the call. He was about to throw up.

Over a year ago when April was pregnant, he had gone into her phone and put the location tracker on. He hated himself for violating her privacy, but he couldn't stand the thoughts of her being alone. Images of her falling or passing out wouldn't cease to flood his mind and he had to know how to get to her if something went wrong. He hadn't checked the app in months.

He clicked the Find Friends app. _Please don't have turned it off_ his thoughts begged. He felt lightheaded when he saw her name pop up in the box and the word locating… A pinpoint dropped at a bar only 8 miles away.

Jackson threw his clothes on, thanking some deity that Harriet was at his mother's tonight. Thirty seconds later he was out the door.

He arrived at the bar. April's phone said she'd not moved. He walked in; the music throbbed in his chest. He frantically paced through the club until he saw April barely awake in a booth. There was a handsome man with her who looked slightly older. His arm was slung around her shoulders and her head lulled against his shoulder. The rage that flooded Jackson scared even him. He approached their table, grabbing both sides of April's face. She stirred slightly, unseeingly fixing her green eyes against his face. Jackson had seen enough of these cases in his ER. Alcohol alone would not have made her so lethargic, so hard to understand on the phone. He had seen April many forms of drunk. It never looked like this. Jackson looked at the man next to her.

"What did you give her?" He asked panicked.

"What's it to you?" The man asked. "Find your own girl."

Jackson let go of April, her head falling back to the side. He pressed his forearm across the man's neck and jacked him up against the booth. The man raised his arms in surrender, not expecting Jackson's attack. Jackson relented.

"I don't know what it was," the man admitted. "I got it from a friend here. He's left."

"I will kill you." Jackson warned. "If I ever see you again. I will kill you."

He watched as Jackson tried to arouse April enough to slide her from the booth. She managed, but fell heavily into his arms as soon as she stood. Jackson cradle carried her.

Once they were outside, the cool, rainy air seemed to wake her up enough to realize who she was with, "I'm sorry," she sighed heavily.

He drove to the hospital as fast as he could. He hated himself for not calling the police, but he needed to get April to the hospital, and waiting for the police would have taken too long. He told the bar tender what happened on the way out, and hopped that would suffice, but without April there, it would be hard to prove.

Jackson left the car running, and stumbled through the Emergency Room doors carrying April. He recognized Alex first.

"Karev!" He screamed, "help me." He placed April down in an empty bed. She had fallen asleep again in the car and had not responded when they arrived.

"April," he tried, "look at me."

She remained lifeless, her pale skin almost matching the white sheets. Her breathing had become worryingly labored. Jackson grabbed the nearest dinamap and hooked April up to the blood pressure cuff and pulse oximeter.

"What's wrong with her?" Alex asked, hurrying his way over as soon as he finished with his last patient. He failed to hide his own worry. He had always given April a hard time; he didn't like her much, but he'd never want anything to happen to her.

"She was slipped drugs at a bar," Jackson said, her oxygen saturation registering at only 87 and blood pressure 90/35. Her pulse was running in the 50s.

"Do you know what kind?" Alex asked, applying hard pressure to April's nail bed trying to get a response from her after failed verbal and tactile stimuli. Her eyes barely fluttered, but he felt relief at the small reflex.

"He didn't know," Jackson's voice was strained, "We need to do a toxicology screen."

Jackson left to find a phlebotomy nurse, while Alex placed April on a non-rebreather at 15 Liters. He instructed a nurse to start her on normal saline at 250 milliliters per hour.

Alex rested his hand in her hair as the nurse drew her blood. He looked at Jackson nervously pacing by the door. "Please don't do this, Kepner," he pleaded with April, using his thumb to gently massage her forehead. He didn't know what came over him. April was the annoying little sister he couldn't stand, but right now, he didn't want to leave her side for anything. He sat down on the stool, hoping he could stay there until the tox screen came back.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex and Jackson watched the monitor measuring her vital signs. The fluids had slightly improved her blood pressure to 100/48 while the oxygen bumped her saturation up to a 93 percent. Her heart rate kept waving between the 40s and 50s and her respirations were still at 10 a minute, yet the effort she had needed to breath had dramatically decreased, making her appear more comfortable. They were at a standstill until they knew exactly what they were dealing with.

"Avery?" Alex asked sympathetically.

Jackson inhaled sharply and glanced at Alex.

"We'll fix this."

"I should have called the cops," Jackson shook his head. "But I had to get her here. I told the bartender. He said they'd handle it." Jackson had been able to point him out from where they were standing. "He said security would interrogate."

"You were thinking about getting her out of there." Alex reaffirmed.

"But I just let him walk away. He's going to do this to other women. If they don't find anything… If there's no proof…" Jackson felt nauseous as he thought about the next woman too drunk to notice dangerous drugs dissolving in her drink; already too inhibited to safely receive any further CNS depressants.

"Jackson," Alex shook him from his thoughts. "If the cops had come you still might have not been able to catch him."

"He admitted it to me," Jackson clenched his fists, a dark tone taking over his voice. "I would have made him admit it to them too."

"And ended up in jail too?"

Jackson sighed. Alex was right. "She called me and she was scared. I think she was trying to get away from him. He found her and she panicked and begged him to leave her alone. I heard a lot of shuffling. I think he got her phone, and he hung up on me. I got there, and then I just walked away."

Alex looked back at April and she suddenly became Jo. Alex thought of Jo alone and afraid, too intoxicated to fight back; not even sure what was going on. Calling him; the person she trusted to help her. Alex's breath hitched in his chest. "You're right. I would have killed him."

By the time a nurse handed Jackson the results of April's toxicology screen. He had already run through a hundred horrible scenarios. The two scanned it quickly; one drug under the Benzodiazepine column was highlighted in bright yellow. Among her high blood alcohol content, April's blood tested almost twice the expected dosage seen in other patients affected by Flunitrazepam. Rohypnol. The powerful sedative was colorless, tasteless, and dissolved quickly in alcohol. Jackson felt numb. Not only had April's drink been tampered with, but he'd done it in more than one.

Jackson tried to shake away the image of what could have happened if April hadn't called. The man practically dragging her to his car and April falling asleep while he took advantage of her, not realizing he had given her too much. Not realizing her body was already trying to compensate for too much alcohol. She would have never woken up. How long before Jackson would have even known?

"How long do you think she's been affected for?" Alex asked, pulling Jackson from the image. He took out a piece of Rx paper ready to scribble an order.

Jackson glanced at the time. It was 3:30am. When April had called, she'd already been heavily sedated. "A little over 2 hours?" Jackson estimated. It would take someone April's size approximately 10 to 20 minutes to feel the effects of Rohypnol.

Alex hurried to the nearest nurse as he started to write. "April Kepner's in bed 11. I need to you get Flumazenil stat," he told her as his pager began to go off. He glanced at it quickly. Arizona was paging him upstairs to peds. "Start with point 2 milligrams. 30 seconds later, hit her again with point 3 milligrams. A minute after that, give her half a milligram. Give each dose diluted in 12 milliliters of a normal saline flush. Keep giving her half a milligram every minute until you see some improvement. Don't exceed 3 milligrams total. If you haven't seen improvement after 3 milligrams, you stop and call me. Got it?" He handed her the piece of paper he'd scribbled the order on, singing his name at the bottom.

She read it over. "Got it," she reassured. She'd given the antidote for a benzo overdose before.

"I'm gonna get her admitted and have them put the order in right now. Just give it. Do not wait to see it in the computer."

"Okay," she confirmed.

"Hang tight, Avery!" He called over, "I'll be back," he assured, checking his pager again before disappearing towards the elevator.

Alex met Robins when he stepped off the elevator.

"Hey, I need you to go over this case with me on a 9 year old boy. He's in room 323." Arizona handed him a chart.

"Sure," Alex said, less that enthusiastically, his face lacking his usual demeanor.

"Hey, what's up?" Arizona asked, her face matching his expression.

"I'm worried About April," Alex slumped; it sounded weird for him to be using her first name, something he rarely did.

"Kepner?" Arizona asked confused, her brow furrowing, knowing April was not Alex's favorite human.

"She's downstairs in the pit."

"Okay?" Arizona asked, clearly not realizing he meant April was a patient and not working.

"Some creep at a bar drugged her drink."

"Who's drink?"

"Kepner." Alex said shortly, getting frustrated.

"Someone drugged April's drink?" Arizona asked, feeling her own stomach start to sink. "Is she okay?"

"I don't know," Alex said, "She's unconscious."

Arizona looked at him, her face falling into matched concern. She opened her mouth, but closed it again, not knowing what to say.

"Come on. Let's go see this kid," Alex gestured with his head.


	3. Chapter 3

Jackson watched nervously as the nurse drew the Flumazenil from the vial. Jackson hoped she knew what she was doing. She was the youngest nurse in the pit tonight, looking no older than 21. Jackson believed her name to be Luna, but he wouldn't swear to it. He kept his arms tightly crossed against his body, his jaw aching from clenching it together.

Luna checked the dosage in the syringe before injecting it into a saline flush. She stopped April's saline infusion, disconnecting the tubing to get to the hub of the IV in her left antecubital space. She scrubbed the site with alcohol before screwing the flush in place and pushing the plunger slowly over 30 seconds. A few other nurses and doctors had gathered around in case of needed assistance.

"No response," Luna assessed after 30 seconds. She drew up the second dosage. Jackson held his breath looking between April and the monitor, which displayed her vital signs.

"No response," Luna repeated, "drawing half a milligram," Luna said after the next allotted time frame with no improvement. Jackson had seen people titrated up to the full 3 milligrams, but he couldn't bear to wait that long to see if she'd come around.

"Come on, April," Jackson begged, the lump in his throat making him feel sick again. Luna pushed the 0.5 milligrams. Jackson watched the clock. She had a minute to show improvement before another dose would be given. Jackson moved around to her right side, away from where Luna was standing with the IV. He touched her arm. "April, please."

Luna was just about to give the fourth dose when April inhaled sharply and deeply, her chest rising and falling at a much quicker rate. Jackson's knees became weak as he lowered himself onto the stool, his vision becoming blurry with unexpected tears. He put his head in his hands.

Luna smiled, placing the medication down on the bedside table and the syringes in the sharps container before reconnecting the IV tubing.

"Respirations at 18," Jackson heard Luna note. "Heart rate 65. Oxygen saturation 97." Luna assessed April from head to toe, listening to her heart and lungs before removing the non-rebreather mask. She was switched to a nasal cannula at 3 liters.

Just as quickly as the commotion had started, Jackson found himself alone again with April; nurses and doctors periodically glancing over. He picked up her hand, pushing her fingers backwards and forwards. A piece of hair had fallen across her face and he reflexively brushed it away, his fingers tracing her temple. He felt both comforted and guilty. He hadn't thought of Maggie this whole time. He didn't even care where she was.

It was about ten more minutes before April began to move. The color had come back to her face leaving her lips and cheeks rosy again. She reached her hand up to her head, licking her lips, yet her eyes remained closed.

"April?" Jackson said softly.

She slowly opened her eyes, which Jackson noticed became full of fear as she took in her surroundings.

"Hey," Jackson spoke, redirecting her. She found his face, and looked at him confused, like she didn't know who he was at first.

She blinked her eyes hard trying to clear her vision. Jackson guessed she might still be drunk.

"Can you say something?" He asked.

"Avery, we're gonna move her upstairs." Owen Hunt had come out of nowhere. A panicked look across his face as he got a good look at April for himself. He signed in relief when she looked at him. "What the hell, Kepner?" He asked, softly and full of concern as he put his hand on her forehead. To their horror, April began to cry.

April was put on the telemetry floor to be monitored for the rest of the night. She was taken off the oxygen and her pressure had returned around her baseline at 125/72. She had gone back to sleep and Jackson listened to her breath for as long as he could before he dozed in the chair. She still hadn't said a single word and that had him worried. At 6am Jackson jolted awake. April had rolled to her side and was tracing circles on his arm.

"Can you lie with me?" She whispered.

Jackson felt relief at hearing her voice. He dropped the bed rail and she moved over to the far side, making room for him. April put her head against his chest and he wrapped his arm around her. Her hair tickled his chin. He rubbed small circles on her shoulder until both of them fell back asleep.

April and Jackson were woken up at 8am when a nurse came in to check her vital signs again. Despite all the fluids, she still felt the familiar symptoms of a hangover and tried to reach for the bin on the bedside table before getting sick. Jackson rubbed her back while she dry heaved and coughed into the basin.

"When can we leave?" She groaned.

"When Alex Karev says you can leave."

"Alex Karev?" She asked, confused. "What?"

"Karev admitted you. Karev gave the orders. He's your doctor," Jackson told her, raising his eyes to her obvious surprise.

"Well that's ridiculous," April said, "I'm a doctor and I discharge myself." She swung her legs over the side of the bed. She stood up and wavered on her feet. Jackson jumped up to steady her.

"Can you stop?" He asked her harshly, gripping her shoulders tightly.

"Kepner, sit down," Alex ordered, his usual annoyance with her creeping into his voice. He stood in the doorway, looking at her like a child.

April looked between Jackson and Alex before she sighed and folded her arms tightly dropping down into the chair.

"I'm fine," she argued.

"Kepner, what do you remember about last night?" Alex had the feeling she didn't even know why she was here. He knew how April panicked. She asked no questions and abandoned the situation.

She was too afraid to ask and didn't want to admit that she didn't know what happened.

"April," Alex demanded when she refused to answer. She looked up at him, her eyes glazing over with tears before glancing away towards the window.

Alex reviewed her chart, seeing that her vitals had been stable through the rest of the night and that she was back to her normal, stubborn self. He dropped her clothes on the bed. "You can go whenever you want."

April lay on her couch while Jackson made her toast in the kitchen.

"You don't even want to know do you?" He accused as he handed it to her.

"Put it over there," she gestured weakly to the table.

"You're unbelievable," Jackson spat, his tone turning to anger a lot faster than he wanted it to.

"What do you want me to say, Jackson?" She yelled.

"I don't know, April. Maybe you'd wanna say something about how you almost died last night. Maybe you'd wanna say something about how you woke up in the hospital and have no idea why. Maybe you'd wanna say something when I told you that some guy you met at a club overdosed you with Rohypnol so that he could take you home and rape you while you died. Maybe you'd wanna say something about how you called me at 1:47am and I heard you being attacked." Jackson was furious and when he finally looked at April, her wide, childish eyes almost broke his heart all over again.

His face softened. He took her hands in his as he sat down in front of her on the couch. His voice softened. "April, you really scared me."

She gripped his hand and focused on that to keep herself from crying again. "I got there and some of the interns were there and I sat at the bar and I had three drinks. I don't remember what happened after that. I don't remember meeting anybody. I tried to remember. I'm really sorry."

"April, You can't keep doing this. You can't keep shoving everyone away and refusing to talk, and using alcohol to hide your feelings. Please just tell me what's going on with you. Tell me what I can do to help you."

"You can hand me that toast."

Jackson shook his head, but kept his mouth shut as he did what she asked. He knew April better than he knew anyone and he knew he was close to getting her to talk.


	4. Chapter 4

Jackson laid in bed that night feeling horrible. He stared wide-eyed at the ceiling. April had trusted him to take care of her in a state when she barely knew her name, and once he knew she was okay, had turned to anger rather than comfort. He didn't always know how to control his emotions when April was in trouble. He couldn't stand that she was shutting him out; that she was being so indifferent to him. He'd selfishly assumed she'd always relent to him. He couldn't stand himself for becoming so distant. He hadn't known what was going on in her life for months. He loved April; he just knew they couldn't be together. The pain of her leaving him for Jordan, hiding a child from him, and being angry when she couldn't see or understand the pain she'd caused him; that was something he couldn't forgive her for. He'd shut her out, hoping to be able to look at her without feeling pain, hoping she'd just become a workplace acquaintance, hoping he could find himself with someone else. But he couldn't. April meant everything to him. Even when he acted like he hated her, he was taking caution; protecting himself from the only woman who had ever shattered his heart. It killed him not knowing what was causing April so much pain. He tensed up as his mind made him hear her voice on the phone again. His brain kept replaying her words he couldn't understand. He saw that man again and felt his stomach lurch. If he had touched her, Jackson thought he might actually be able to kill him. He felt the anger and disgust course through his veins, his heart throbbing in his ears. His mind took him back to Montana; the last time April had been in his arms. He remembered she'd been so self-conscious about the scar that would forever outline her lower stomach. Jackson traced it with his fingers, trying not to fall in love with her again as he told her how beautiful she was over and over until she finally believed it. He remembered the sadness in her eyes when she asked what Montana was to him… the thing that made her move out. He'd wanted so badly to tell her what she meant to him, but he couldn't find the words, so he just sat there in silence. He couldn't bear the pain of falling in love with her again after all they'd gone through, after everything they'd said to each other. He didn't even know where to start. And what if she didn't feel the same way? He couldn't take the hurt of her telling him again that the thing she needed wasn't him. So he'd let her move out and he let himself get farther away from her until they were almost strangers.

He walked into baby Harriet's room, and watched his baby's belly rise and fall with her cute little sighs. He hadn't told Catherine when he picked Harriet up what had happened to April. He knew his mother would have a plethora of reason's why April was an unfit mother. Jackson clutched his stomach in physical pain and cried.

Jackson brought Harriet to the daycare the next day at work and was surprised to see April waiting, watching the other kids play through the window. April reached for Harriet and then hesitated, retracting her arms. Jackson felt sadness as her eyes glanced away. She was scarred to hold her own baby, afraid he wouldn't let her.

"how are you?" he asked her, visually assessing her body.

She shrugged, not looking him in the eyes, keeping her eyes fixed on her baby.

Jackson handed Harriet over. "I'm really sorry I talked to you that way yesterday."

April finally met his eyes. "I'm sorry I put you through that."

"No. April," He said, grabbing her upper arms. "That was not your fault. Do you hear me?"

She gave him a weak smile. "I'm gonna take Harriet into the daycare and pick her up after… if that's okay?" She waited for him to protest and when he didn't she turned with her baby and walked away from him, Harriet resting her cheek against April's shoulder as she looked back at her father.

"Bye baby," he said sadly.

The news of April's attack had spread through the hospital like wildfire. All day her colleagues, nurses, and even the housekeeper fussed over her. When Alex and Arizona finally ran into her, they walked on eggshells around her.

"Can everyone please stop?" She shrieked. "You know this is a HIPPA violation right? I'm fine! And I need you all to shut up. Can we do that please? Can we all just shut up?" She was breathing heavy, her hands shaking.

Both Alex and Arizona were taken back, looking at each other, trying to formulate a response.

She looked at Alex, "You have never liked me. You treat me like I'm dumb and I know you think I'm annoying, and you," she rounded on Arizona, "you say you're my friend, but when I needed you, you judged me and abandoned me, and sided with all of them!" She yelled as she gestured to a non-existent crowd.

"Kepner, come with me now," Owen Hunt ordered, leading her away and into a nearby supply closet.

"If one more person makes a comment, I am going to lose it," April said quietly, pacing the closet.

"April, they're just worried about you."

"No they're not," She argued. "No one was worried about me when everyone at this hospital treated me like an infectious disease after I took that job last year. And no one was worried about me when I lost almost all of my patients in one day, including Karin Taylor who was FINE. She was FINE, Hunt. No. You know what I got? I got the eyes of disappointed doctors who judged me and my skills and a paper on how to prevent pre-eclampsia! The only one who pretended to be worried about me was Tom Koracick who I only met a month ago, and oh my God, Jackson! Like what?" April covered her face with her hands, laughing at the irony.

Owen didn't know what to say. He'd always had a soft spot for April and it hurt him to see her in such a dark place.

"Are we done?" She said when he didn't respond, flinging the door open way more dramatically than she'd intended.

April picked Harriet up at the end of the day, her anger washing away as she held her baby, rubbing her nose against Harriet's forehead. She turned around to see Meredith looking at her as she called her own kids over.

"You gonna say something too?" April looked at her expectantly.

"April, I ran away from everyone for months after Derek died. Whatever you're going through, trust me. I know it's hard. But it's harder to keep it to yourself."

As April walked through the dark parking lot, she clutched Harriet tight against her chest as the wet air misted her face. She thought she might be paranoid, but she couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching her. She hurried to her car as the hair on her arms prickled and an uncomfortable sensation settled in her chest. She took a few deep breaths as she strapped Harriet into her car seat. She was being silly. It had been a while since she'd had Harriet alone and the reality of what Jackson had said happened to her was pushing its way to the front of her mind. She started the car and tried to clear her thoughts. She was halfway home when she started to panic. She had almost _died_. She glanced at Harriet in the rearview mirror, her tiny face illuminated by the street lamps. She'd almost left her baby. She'd barely even thought of Harriet the past few weeks and the realization stole her breath away. She remembered how angry she'd been at Jackson when he ran back into the burning hospital a few months ago. _What would I have told Harriet?_ She'd demanded as he blew her off. She gripped the steering wheel harder trying to relax.

Jackson paused his movie when he heard the banging on the door. He checked the time. It was only 9:00pm but it felt like it should be after midnight.

"Take her," April said when he opened the door, practically shaking as she dumped Harriet into Jackson's arms.

"April," He said as she walked past him into his living room. She looked like she'd been crying, her breathing a little sporadic. "Is Harriet okay?" He asked, examining his baby, "Are you okay?"

April massaged her hands as she often did when she was nervous. "You said you wanted to talk right? Is now a bad time?"


	5. Chapter 5

Jackson tucked Harriet in before the two sat on the couch together as April told him about how she'd felt abandoned by not only her friends, but also God. Even when everyone turned against her, God had always been there, but now he wasn't and she didn't understand why.

Jackson didn't know what to say. He just kept apologizing to her over and over again. Telling her she could always talk to him. Letting her know how badly he'd messed up. He didn't understand what it was like to have a relationship with God, and he couldn't relate to how lonely April must be feeling. They talked well into the night before she fell asleep next to him. He assisted her to lie down, covering her before going to sleep in his own room.

April dropped Harriet off at the daycare with Jackson the next morning.

"Do you want to go out tonight with Harriet?" Jackson asked suddenly. "For dinner? The three of us?"

The three of them hadn't gone out as a family in nearly a year.

"Yeah," she said a little stunned.

Jackson held her gaze, his eyes soft and inviting. Her stomach fluttered. It was the way he used to look at her in a time that felt like another life away.

April thought about Jackson and Harriet all morning. She wondered why all of a sudden Jackson was so eager to be her friend. He hadn't asked her to hang out since she'd moved out. It was a little after noon when April walked into an empty room, that had just been reset from a discharge, to use the computer attached to the wall. Everywhere she went, the computers were occupied, and she wanted to do some charting before taking lunch.

A few minutes later, she saw a person out of the corner of her eye walk through the doorway. Expecting it to be one of her colleagues, she turned to address him, but realized it was a man she hadn't seen before.

"Can I help you?" April asked, turning her body towards him. She figured he was a patient family member who was lost.

"Actually, I'm looking for you, Dr. Kepner," he said and April had the feeling she had met him before. His voice sounded familiar, his face a little recognizable too, but she couldn't place it. She figured he might be a previous patient. April waited for him to continue. He came a little closer shutting the door behind him. "I've been looking around for you all day."

Something didn't feel right and the back of April's neck prickled. "You can leave the door open," She suggested, her voice soft and cautious.

He stepped towards her, putting himself between her and the door. "April, this is a private matter."

"Who are you?" Her voice was shaking now.

He laughed as he took another step towards her.

She backed up.

"It's a shame I'm so easily forgettable, sweetheart, but I know all about you. You told me all about your job, where you worked, how your ex husband broke your heart, about baby Harriet."

Her insides lurched at the mention of her baby's name.

"You told me how sad you were. You told me you wanted to disappear. You wanted to feel wanted. And now I have your boyfriend getting me in trouble, you little bitch."

April's legs were shaking; her breath accelerating.

"I was questioned that night. They pulled the tapes from the bar. They told me I better get a lawyer. The cops are taking me in for questioning tomorrow." He was coming closer again. "You were practically asking for it. You were all over me."

April felt sick as he approached her. She could not back up anymore, her back now pressed against the far wall.

"Please, stop," She said as she commanded herself not to cry. Her heart was racing.

He put his hands on her waist, pressing his body against hers into the wall.

April did the only thing she could think of. She screamed for help.

"Be quiet," he demanded through clenched teeth as he forcefully grabbed onto the front of her scrub top and pulled her forward, pushing her onto the ground. Her head cracked against the tile floor. She felt nauseous, but the adrenaline kept her alert. Now that she was on the ground, she was closer to the bed, and saw the call bell dangling between the bed and side rail. She quickly reached and pushed the button, an alarm sounding in the hallway as the room number lit up.

"Turn it off," he demanded as he straddled her and pinned her shoulders down, angrily shaking her.

He was yelling, but she could barely hear him over the pain radiating in her head from where it had collided with the floor. She was disoriented and closed her eyes to everything when the weight was suddenly lifted from her body. She heard voices shouting and a "Code Armstrong" was being announced through the speakers. Someone was saying her name.

"April," he said more sternly. He was shaking her.

She opened her eyes to see Alex Karev restraining her attacker, shortly followed by an influx of security guards who escorted the man from the room. Tom Koracick was the one leaning over her.

"Say something, Kepner." He ordered, shinning a penlight in her eyes. "Pupils are equal and reactive to light," Koracick told Shepard who'd made her way into the room.

April buried her face in her hands. She was so embarrassed that she could not stop the chest wracking sobs that began to shake her body, gasping for air between each one.

"Can we get her off the floor?" Amelia asked sympathetically as the three of them pulled April up. She leaned heavily against Alex as they sat her in the bed.

"April," Amelia said, afraid she could have a head injury, "Can you tell me what day it is?

She rested her elbows on her knees, crying harder as the three of them held her upright. No matter what they asked her, she could not be consoled.

"Get Avery," Tom said to Alex, sitting next to April, allowing her to lean against him.

"Where is that son of a bitch?" Jackson demanded as he put his hands on April's shoulders from behind her. Alex had told him what he'd walked into when the call bell rang.

"Security took him away. They'll handle it, Jacks. She needs to calm down," Amelia told him. "We think she hit her head, I want to take her to CT just in case it's serious."

"I'm right here, April" Jackson said, though she appeared not to hear him, still sniffling into her hands. Jackson came around to the front of her kneeling down in front of her and taking her wrists in his hands. She looked at him, her face red and blotchy. Tears had streaked down onto her shirt.

"It was the guy from the bar," April cried, her hands shaking.

Anger washed through Jackson, but he tried his best not to show it. He didn't want to make her more upset.

"Hey," Jackson said as he felt her radial pulse drum against his touch, "What's our baby's name?"

April held his gaze, his face a little fuzzy and she didn't know if it was her throbbing head or the tears in her eyes.

"Harriet," She hiccuped.

"When's her birthday?"

"May 19th."

"Where is she right now?"

"Downstairs in daycare."

"What's your favorite thing about Harriet?"

"She's beautiful, and smart, and amazing. She looks like you." She was speaking slower than usual, her words a little slurred.

"Will you let them CT your head?"

She shook her head no the tears filling her eyes again.

"April, please?" He asked her, "Come on, stand up."

She relented, letting him pull her up, dizziness taking over her.

"Jackson!" She gasped.

"I got you," he said, walking her outside the room and lowering her down into a wheelchair.

After the CT scan, Amelia looked at the images. There were no serious complications on the x-rays, but after a positive Romberg test and an EEG while she tested for basic memory and standard reflexes Amelia diagnosed that April had a concussion.

Jackson felt like this news was the end of the world. He'd failed to be there again to protect April from getting hurt. He watched her sleeping on a stretcher in the hallway. Jackson felt uneasy, but Amelia assured him that April had been able to hold a functional conversation and had no extenuating symptoms. Despite the popular myth that sleeping after a concussion was dangerous, she told him sleep promoted brain healing.

"I'll wake her in a little bit, just to make sure she's responsive," Amelia promised.

"This cannot be happening," Jackson told Amelia on the brink of tears. He couldn't believe he'd watched April hurt and sleeping in a hospital twice within the past few days. If he'd been near when that man came after her again he knew he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from pulverizing him. Jackson took comfort knowing he'd definitely be arrested now. His efforts at the bar had not been wasted.

"I'll keep an eye on her," Amelia assured, "You should get back to work. I'll be hanging out around here all day."

Jackson thanked her, kissing April on the forehead before turning around and seeing Maggie staring at him. He had barely talked to her for more than a few texts.

Jackson walked towards her, headed back to his unit.

"How is she?" Maggie asked walking with him.

"She's going to be fine."

"Jackson," she stopped. "What do you see me as?"

"Not now, Maggie," Jackson snapped.

"I just don't think you'll ever love me the way you love her."

Jackson studied her face for a long time, not sure of the answer she was looking for.

Maggie gave him a sad smile, kissing him on the cheek before turning the opposite way from him and heading down the hallway.


	6. Chapter 6

The rest of the day passed Jackson in a blur. He didn't want to stay at the hospital. He wanted to go home and sleep. He had tossed and turned last night; his and April's conversation replaying on a loop in his head.

"God's done nothing but take away everything that was supposed to be good in my life," April had said.

"What about Harriet?"

"Everyday I'm terrified something awful will take Harriet too."

That statement wouldn't leave him.

"Could everything I've ever defended really just be meaningless?"

"I don't know," he said, looking down at his hands, defeated and sad.

"My whole life I've believed in a God that gave me a purpose. I don't know why he would have led me here. Why is he making me so incompetent?" her voice broke as she tried to hide the tears that threatened to fall.

"April…" Jackson mused, "You are a brilliant surgeon. God didn't make you that way, and he didn't take it away either. You're a surgeon because you're smart and talented and you worked hard. Sometimes things just happen for no reason at all."

"It's just never felt like this," she said. "I can't make it stop."

The way she said it was so empty, Jackson felt afraid. April's depression had gotten much worse over the past few weeks. She didn't care about anything and he worried about leaving her alone and especially about leaving her alone with Harriet, which he felt awful for.

At the end of the day, April sat in the waiting room outside of Jackson's unit with Amelia. When he approached them, it seemed like they were fighting.

"I don't need to stay home for that long," April was arguing.

"Yes you do. You're not a neuro surgeon, Kepner. Listen to me. Do not be stupid."

"What's going on?" Jackson asked, looking between the two of them, sitting down next to April.

Amelia looked at April expectantly. When she wouldn't answer, Amelia addressed Jackson. "She can't work for at least the next seven days. Then she needs to be reassessed. No heavy stimulation. No TV, no cell phone screens, nothing strenuous, no holding Harriet."

Jackson watched April's chest rise and fall in angry breaths, but she remained silent.

The three were startled when Miranda Bailey began to speak from behind them, a police officer next to her.

"Kepner, this gentlemen wants to ask you some questions," she said cautiously, gauging for a reaction.

"Would you mind if I spoke to you alone?" the officer asked, non-verbally asking Jackson and Amelia to step away.

Jackson and Amelia nervously glanced at her before they stood up walking away with Bailey.

"April, my name is Sam Roberts. We're taking Darren Whitterholt into custody today. We had a warrant for arrest tomorrow for video proof of what he did to you at the club, called in that night by security. Today, we talked to several witnesses who confirmed what took place here. He's being brought in on attempted rape and physical assault," he paused, giving her time to process the situation.

April put her face in her hands. Hearing the statement made her heart race. Before it had just seemed like a bad dream. Hearing his name and what he'd done validated the situation. It brought him to life.

"You don't have to testify or press charges," Sam continued, "but it'll help him get the sentence he deserves. We're going to try to uncover other victims. We don't think you're the first."

April kept her face hidden, massaging her temples, her pulse thumping in her head, her headache coming back full force.

"April?" Sam asked after what felt like enough time.

Amelia walked back over to intervene, pulling April up. "Now's not a good time," Amelia explained, "We'll get back to you."

In the car, Jackson glanced nervously at April as she kept her eyes focused out the window. Harriet babbled in song in the back, which usually would have made April smile, but today it was like she couldn't even hear her.

"You need to talk about it?" Jackson finally asked.

April ignored him.

"Alright," Jackson said, understanding.

April looked at him before glancing back out the window.

"I'm sorry about dinner," April apologized.

"Yeah, well we can reschedule."

"Can you just take me home?" April asked.

"I don't feel comfortable doing that."

"Well I don't feel comfortable staying with you." She told him harshly. "I don't need a babysitter, Jackson."

"Apparently you do." Jackson retaliated in slight disbelief.

"Fine," April snapped.

"I'm sorry," Jackson softened. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm okay now. And I really just want to take a shower and sleep in my own bed."

"Okay, but I'm staying until you eat something and get out of the shower."

Jackson lay down on April's couch with Harriet prone on his stomach, rubbing small circles on her back. It was only six o'clock but it had been one of longest days of his life.

He dozed on the couch, vaguely hearing the shower water turn off and jerking awake when he felt the added pressure to the couch as April sat down at his feet. She was wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt, her wet hair dripping down her back. Jackson looked at her in awe; he hadn't seen April as someone other than a colleague in such a long time that seeing her as a person outside the element of the hospital seemed so strange to him.

"What?" she asked.

"What do you want to eat?" he answered.

"Nothing."

"April."

"I don't care."

"Chinese?"

She smiled, "Can you ask for extra fortune cookies?"

Once the food came the two of them took turns feeding Harriet tiny pieces of lomein noodles and pineapple chicken, spitting out the piece of fortune cookie April tried to give her.

"Not like mommy at all," Jackson laughed as Harriet squealed, banging her tiny fists against the highchair table. "I agree; they're gross."

April's eyes lit up, laughing at his comment. They smiled at each other as she felt the familiar longing ache in her stomach before snapping back to reality.

"You should probably go soon," she told him suddenly. She didn't want to feel this way about Jackson.

"Okay," his smile falling. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"Promise."

"Okay." He said again, beginning to clear the containers, putting the leftovers in the refrigerator.

"Ready, munchkin?" He asked Harriet, picking her up from the highchair.

April walked them to the door.

"Do what Amelia said," Jackson said, knowing she probably didn't take her recommendations seriously, "please."

April took a few seconds before asking what had been on her mind since leaving the hospital. "Do you think I should go to court?" She asked, looking down at her hands, once again on the verge of tears as the reality of the situation presented itself.

"I think you should try and fight to keep this from happening to someone else. But if you don't feel comfortable then you need to take care of yourself first."

She nodded, biting her lower lip in nerves. She intentionally wouldn't look at him.

He put his hand on her shoulder, her body wanting so badly to be held by him, but instead, she kept her distance, finally meeting his eyes to say goodbye. He was looking at her with sadness that she hadn't seen since the day they signed divorce papers.

"Jackson," she warned.

"I'm sorry," he said, turning away from her, and opening the door to leave.


	7. Chapter 7

April lay in bed, the Tylenol PM she had taken dragging at her consciousness, pulling her into fitful half dreams. She'd close her eyes and feel herself drifting only to be jolted awake, her heart pounding, unsure of what had even frightened her. She looked at the clock on the table next to her, for what felt like the hundredth time, seeing that it was only 9 o'clock. She hoped the medicine would kick in full effect soon, or it was going to be a long night.

A little while later, as she was teetering on the edge of sleep again, when her phone started to buzz. She sighed. Jackson. She slid the screen, pressing the speaker button and setting it on her stomach so she didn't have to hold it.

"Jacks," she answered, too tired to finish his name, "What is it?" Her voice was heavy.

"I'm sorry; were you sleeping? Did I wake you?" He asked.

"No," she answered.

"Then what's wrong? Are you okay?" He sounded worried now.

"I'm tired," she told him, her sleepy voice almost a whisper.

"I'm worried about you."

"I'm okay." She sighed.

"Are you sure?"

"mmmhm."

Jackson smiled. He knew she was almost asleep.

"Can you call me if you're not?"

"mmm…kay.

Jackson was having a hard time hanging up. He could hear her deep, even breathing and knew she had fallen asleep. Jackson closed his eyes, and for a minute, he wanted to pretend that she was next to him. When they were married, he could never get tired of watching her sleep next to him. He would put his hand on her stomach, feeling comfort in the rise and fall of her breathing, the heat she gave off, and he'd think for the trillionth time how much he loved her. How much he still did. When Jackson opened his eyes, he finally forced himself to hang up.

When April woke up it was 5 am. She tried to close her eyes again. She didn't want to be awake this early. When that failed, she found herself pacing up and down the hallway. She decided to eat a snack, and then sat on the couch, her fingers drumming the armrest. Screw it, she thought. She was going to work.

April walked through the automatic doors to the Pit, Alex doing a double take as she headed into the locker room.

"Kepner," he ran over and grabbed her elbow. "You're not supposed to be here."

"I'm not going to sit home and stare at the wall for a week. I feel fine. I _am_ fine."

"Did you drive here?" He demanded.

"I took the bus."

"Shepard said..."

"She got it wrong," April cut him off.

"No." He protested. "You need to leave."

"Alex, let go."

He released her arm as she turned away from him.

"I don't like this," he told her as she left him staring in her direction through the locker room.

"Owen," April addressed after she emerged in her scrubs, waiting for him to tell her any assignments.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Working," she answered casually.

"No. They said you were taking time off. April, you hit your head."

"I'm fine," she snapped. "Please."

Hunt rubbed his face, torn on what to do, as an ambulance pulled up next to the door, forcing him into action.

"Alright," he gave in. "Just take it easy. Tend to the ones in bed. No complicated patients, Kepner."

"Okay," she answered, heading toward the nurses station for the reports.

three hours into the shift, a young woman brought her struggling boyfriend through the doors as he snarled like a wild dog.

"He's high on cocaine," the girlfriend yelled to anyone listening, crying as she tried to wrestle him into a seat. "I need a doctor!" She screamed.

"What's his name?" April said coming over.

"Henry," The girl cried. "He's never done drugs; I don't know what to do."

"Okay…" she paused for a name.

"Allison."

"Allison, we're going to draw some labs on Henry and get him some fluids and medicine. Just try to relax; we've got you. We've got you both."

Owen was heading over. He didn't want April on this case. There was too much potential to go wrong. That's when Henry lashed out, grabbing onto her shirt. She froze, feeling the same heart stopping fear as before. Not again. But Owen was there, grabbing Henry's arm, releasing April as quickly as it had started.

"Kepner, go," Hunt ordered, "Take the incoming patient. He's unconscious. He had a tonic clonic seizure. They'll be here any minute."

April waited by the ambulance bay with a few interns. When the patient was wheeled in, she looked at the paramedics for her hand-off report.

"The patient was in custody when he began having violent seizures. He's had three, lasting for about three minutes in duration. Ten minutes between each episode. We're afraid he could go into status epilepticus."

April turned her attention to the patient and stared horrified. "Don't move him. Pad the side rails, and page Shepard." She gasped to the interns, backing away, shaking. She grabbed onto the nearest bed for support. Her heart was beating so hard and she focused on her breathing. She didn't know how to calm down.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked, grabbing onto her shoulders.

"It's him." She said, leaning forward for more air.

Alex looked at the patient, confirming it to himself that the man on the stretcher was Darren Witterholt.

"I'm going to be sick," she said, the color draining from her face as she felt her temperature rise and her mouth start to salivate, ripping off her white coat as she leaned over the nearest trashcan, breathing heavy.

"Let's go outside," he offered, guiding her towards the doors with an arm around her back for support. "This is too much stimulation. You're going to get hurt. You've already overexerted yourself. You shouldn't even be here."

April closed her eyes; her head was pounding again. "I'll be fine." She broke away from Alex and quickly turned the other direction, briskly walking toward the doors into the main hospital.

"Kepner!" Alex called, watching her walk away, but being forced in the opposite direction for an incoming ped's patient.

April sat down on a stretcher in the hallway, trying to collect herself. If she needed to relax that was fine, but she couldn't do it at home staring at the wall all day. Her thought's would consume her.

"April," Arizona said, seeing her in passing. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't feel good," April, redirected as Arizona acted fast and held a tiny floor receptacle up to her friend's pale white face. April grabbed onto the sides, throwing up into the trashcan.

When she was finished, Arizona sat down next to her. "What's going on?"

"I thought I'd lose my mind if I had to stay at home with nothing to do. I thought I could come to work and push through this, but something happened and I can't."

"What happened?"

"Darren, the man who…" She paused. Arizona nodded in understanding. "He's here. He just came into the Pit unconscious."

"What happened?" Arizona asked in disbelief.

"Multiple seizures."

Arizona stared in silence at the wall.

"How could I face him in court when I can't even handle him unconscious?"

Arizona took April's hand, feeling her tremble. "It's okay. This must be scary. I can't imagine what you're feeling."

April jumped when her phone started to vibrate in her pocket.

"Hey," she answered, making her voice sound as calm as possible. She didn't want Jackson to be suspicious.

"Hey, where did you go?" Jackson's voice sounding relieved that she sounded okay.

April paused. "Are you at my apartment?" She asked a little standoffish.

"I came over to bring you breakfast. You weren't answering and I was worried. I used the spare key."

"Jackson." She said annoyed. "You don't have to check up on me."

A rapid response was announced loudly through the speakers.

"Did you go to the hospital?" His concern evident, "What's happened?"

"Nothing...I'm not a patient."

"You're working?" He accused, his voice turning cold. "Hunt let you?"

"I…" She trailed off.

"April," Jackson snapped.

Arizona grabbed the phone from her. "Jackson. April is under a lot of stress right now. You're not helping." She hung up, handing the phone back to April.

April stared at her phone expecting him to call back and hoping he wouldn't.

"I have a free morning so I think we should go get breakfast. And then we're going to go home." Arizona didn't give April any time to protest as she helped her off the gurney, sneaking out through the radiology department.


	8. Chapter 8

April opened her front door to Amelia's frantic banging. She looked April up and down as she pushed past her into the living room.

"Do you feel okay?" she asked.

April nodded. She was confused. Amelia never came over. Amelia barely talked to her. On most days, she ignored her.

"Well you won't in a minute," Amelia said, sitting down on the edge of the couch.

April waited, awkwardly.

"This is a breach in HIPAA and if you tell anyone I told you this I will deny it and then kill you. Do you understand?"

April started to wring her hands.

"Hey, don't do that," Amelia said, reaching toward April to get her to stop. "Sit down."

April took a seat next to her, looking expectantly at Amelia to continue.

"Witterholt has an undiagnosed glioblastoma which has likely caused his seizures. He's also diagnosed a paranoid schizophrenic since the age of twenty-seven. He told us he went off his medication two months ago and swore his doctors were poisoning him. We hit him with lorazepam and once he stopped seizing had to restrain him because he got combative. He thought we were trying to kill him. He's like neuro gold mine."

"He's schizophrenic?" April clarified, her voice small in disbelief.

Amelia reached for her horrified looking coworker, grabbing her hand to ground her.

April didn't know what to say for a few minutes. She knew what this meant. It hadn't been Darren who drugged her and came after her; it had been a shell of a man whose mind was infiltrated with fear and sickness. She tensed up. "He had no idea what he was doing."

"That doesn't excuse what he did," Amelia told her. "You can still take action against him."

April looked down at her fingernails.

"He talked about you," Amelia continued. "You told him you were a doctor. You told him where you worked."

"I don't remember," She said. "I thought I only had three drinks. It might have been more. I remember being really drunk and I fell. Someone helped me up…" She trailed off as some of the details came back to her. She must have sat with him after that. She must have told him more than she wanted to.

"He thought you were sent there to watch him. He told Jackson he got the drugs from a friend who had already left, but the day police were at the hospital, we overheard them say the tapes from the club show he was there alone and had the drugs himself. We asked him who his friend was and who gave him the drugs and he talked about being there with his boss who orders him when to eliminate potential threats to his safety. He talked about being part of an organization that combats government threats to the country. He says they always send doctors and nurses who tell him he's crazy and try to keep him sedated so he forgets what he knows."

April looked past Amelia, her eyes set on the wall. "So he didn't want to rape me." April stated. "He wanted to kill me. That's why he gave me so much. He was scared for his safety."

Amelia nodded. "He told me. He doesn't target women. He targets doctors and nurses."

"But he came to the hospital and found me. He said all that stuff about how I wanted it; about how I got him in trouble. He didn't sound like someone who thought I was trying to kill him and shutdown his organization."

"April, mental disorders are complicated. He's scared for his life and he has a brain tumor affecting his personality, giving him seizures. He was trying to put the blame on you. Trying to make you question yourself. Many times, schizophrenics don't want you to know they're onto you. Then you'd use other means to try and get to him. He wanted to make you feel frightened. He wanted to be in control and he wanted you to believe that he was.

"You're defending him." April told her, almost in disbelief.

"I'm just telling you what I know."

How can I take legal action against someone when his mind has been taken over by a disease and a disorder that's not his fault?"

"This is why neuro cases are so hard."

April pressed her nails into her palm hard enough to create marks "Why did you tell me this?"

"Because you deserved to know." Amelia grabbed April's hands again so she'd stop. She assessed April quickly with her eyes. She knew April was susceptible to panic attacks. When she seemed okay, Amelia continued. "You deserve to know all the details about someone who did something bad to you. And remember what the police say? There could be others. Just because someone has a disease they can't control doesn't mean they don't hurt real people." Amelia paused, "Trust me. I know about that and if someone wants to press charges against him, they have every right."

"How could they ever uncover other victims?"

"From people like you who stand up and say something. People want to pretend like things didn't happen until others stand up and give it a name and a meaning and then they feel safe to share their stories too."

"Maybe he didn't do anything to anybody else."

Amelia shrugged, "Maybe he didn't. Maybe he hasn't had an episode in years until that night. He's only been off his meds for two months. Or maybe his rapidly growing tumor triggered something. You have to make that choice. But in order to do that, you needed to know this."

April took a deep breath. "Does Jackson know?"

"No."

"I want to talk to him."

"You can't tell Jackson. I'll get fired. I could lose my license."

"Not Jackson."

Amelia drove April back to the hospital. She had a nagging feeling this was going to get her in trouble. She really hoped April wouldn't share what's she'd told her. When they stepped onto the Neuro ICU, April broke out in a cold sweat, her heartbeat pounded too fast in her chest. She could hear it in her ears. As they approached his room, April heard two familiar voices. Jackson and Alex. They were already in his room. April hid behind the wall to the right of the doorway. She didn't want Jackson to see her there. April heard Alex mid-sentence.

"You deserve everything that happens to you," He said, "You're just a scum bag that abuses women."

"Son of a bitch," Amelia said behind them, glaring at Alex. "You cannot say that. Do you want to lose your job again? You told Jackson?" Amelia demanded exasperated.

"I was there when he came into the ER," Alex justified. Jackson had a right to know."

"No he doesn't," Amelia argued. "He doesn't have anything to do with this. And neither do you."

"April's Jackson's…" Alex stopped.

"Nothing," Amelia finished for him.

Jackson and Alex looked at each other.

"Wouldn't you want to know if something had happened to Owen?"

"Get out," Amelia ordered.

"Are you gonna report us or not?" Alex asked.

"Get out," Amelia repeated.

April gasped when they stepped out of the room turning right and almost crashing into her. Jackson reflexively grabbed her shoulders before he even realized who it was.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

She stuttered, trying to think of a lie and failing to come up with a good reason of why she'd be standing outside the room of a man who attacked her twice.

"Same thing you are," She said. "I want to talk to him."

"Kepner, it's not a good idea," Alex warned.

She broke out of Jackson's hold who still had his hands on her shoulders. "Yeah," She countered. "I'm going to do this."

"Go," Amelia ordered again toward Jackson and Alex.

The two looked between April and Amelia before looking at each other and going quietly toward the exit of the unit.


End file.
